Over the past 7 weeks, I have experienced an array of emotions. Isolation and global fear of uncertainty, unknown and our human desire to understand, plan, and control have created a turbulent mindset in many.
In these times I have sought to control the things I can and try to accept what I cannot. It’s easier said than done and there are certainly days when I don’t want to get out of bed. Days when I don’t want to cook, clean, study, or even talk. It’s these days that I take a step back and soul search for the compassion and kindness that I would bestow upon the loved ones that I conjure for myself.
April was a rollercoaster of highs and lows. My eldest daughter chose to move out and self-isolate with work friends. She, at 17 years old, is lucky enough to still have a job. There is a narrative to its own in this experience that I won’t unpack here, let’s just say it’s painful.
I awake some days with boundless energy, happiness and blissfully going about my daily routine. I was productive, took time for rest, exercised, and ate well. I’d fall into a deep sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and dreamt of the adventures I’d take when this was all over.
Other days, my refusal to leave the sanctuary of my sheets was a deeper yearning for comfort, connection, and a sense of wellbeing. I reluctantly moved my feet one in front of the other. I sat, struggling to comprehend the enormity of the situation and found myself flitting from one thing to the next with no outcome other than to watch the clock tick over until it was time to withdraw to bed again.
Understanding that we are humans with an array of emotions, allowing ourselves to experience the diversity of these, knowing that tomorrow is a new day, is the way through the fog. Give yourself permission to feel the lulls, allows us to see it for what it is. We are living in extraordinary times, so much uncertainty; however, we cannot let this become our new ‘normal’.